How our ideas about cheating are changing

Studies show that most people think cheating is wrong. But the idea of ‘cheating’ is growing and becoming more complicated. It now includes things like having an emotional or physical relationship with someone else.

With new ways to talk to people online, like video calls, the lines are becoming more blurred. Ten years ago, there was less clarity around what behaviour was considered unacceptable. Now, things that were once seen as minor issues can be viewed as serious betrayal. Apps like Chatki or CooMeet are a bit different because they create a unique situation that couples need to talk about.

Betrayal can happen in many different areas of our lives, from our feelings to our money

Nowadays, cheating isn’t just about having sex with someone else. A study by DatingNews.com and the Kinsey Institute found that about half of the people asked think that emotional relationships and financial support for someone outside the relationship are serious forms of cheating.

People judge classic forms of cheating most harshly:

• 84% of people think that physical intimacy (sex) with another person is unacceptable.
• 70% of people think that kissing is cheating.

Women and older people tend to set stricter and broader boundaries, considering a greater number of behavioural patterns to be violations.

Online platforms are creating a new kind of relationship that is not clearly defined

Apps like Chatki and CooMeet are changing the way we think about relationships. If you don’t know who you’re talking to, if you can see them and if there’s a bit of fun involved, it can be easy to start to feel close to someone you don’t know.

Let’s take a look at two popular services to see how they affect modern ideas about fidelity.

• Chatki is a modern version of the classic chat roulette. The platform connects people from all over the world so they can talk to each other in videos. It says it is a place for casual conversations and making friends. But the main things that make the service popular are that you can stay completely anonymous, it’s a fun way to randomly chat with someone, and you can see each other’s faces. This makes it easy to flirt and meet people outside of your friendship group. For many couples, the main reason that communication becomes betrayal is not the content of the conversations, but the fact that they are kept secret. If you hide the fact that you’re talking to someone in such a close, but online, way, people will think you’ve broken the basic rules of trust.
• CooMeet is a service that lets you have personalised video chats with strangers. Unlike random connections, it often offers the possibility of choice and longer one-on-one communication. The special thing about CooMeet is that it helps people to have more meaningful conversations with each other. This could be anything from a short flirt to regular chats with the same person. This creates a special kind of emotional involvement, where the partner spends a lot of time, attention, and emotional energy building a virtual connection on the side. For many people, this behaviour becomes a form of emotional cheating, where the depth and frequency of communication with an outside ‘friend’ begins to compete with the main relationship.

These platforms make modern couples ask difficult questions, like where the line is between innocent digital curiosity and betrayal. Is it less serious to look at a stranger without saying who you are, than to actually meet them?

These services make it more important than ever for couples to talk to each other about what they find acceptable online. In an era when technology provides instant access to thousands of people, open discussion about mutual expectations and ideas regarding fidelity becomes the main defence of a relationship.

Digital footprints and generational differences

Research shows that one in five people admit to having cheated in the past. Of those, 76% tried to hide it. Methods of concealment have changed significantly with the development of technology.

The most popular tactics include:

• Pretending that everything is fine (47%);
• Deleting messages or data that could reveal the relationship (26%).
• Meeting only in secluded or remote locations (26%).

Generational differences are clearly visible here. Younger generations (Gen Z and Millennials) are much more likely than Boomers to use digital methods to conceal their affairs. For example, they are more likely to delete correspondence (43% and 40% vs. 10%), use additional phones (16% and 10% vs. 0%), and change passwords. This is directly related to the fact that their romantic and social lives are more mediated by technology.

Preventing infidelity: communication as the main tool

Despite the grim statistics, most people (60%) believe that cheating can be prevented. They see open communication with their partner as the key tool.

Strategies that respondents say help protect relationships include:

• Frank conversations with your partner (60%).
• Setting clear boundaries (49%).
• Prioritising the relationship through dates and quality time together (38%).
• Clearly defining what constitutes cheating (37%).

Interestingly, Generation Z believes more than other age groups in the power of setting boundaries (57%) and discussing the ‘rules of the game’ early on in a relationship. This indicates a growing conscious approach to building connections in a world where digital temptations are ever-present.

So, what does this mean for your relationship?

The main conclusion from the statistics is clear: there is no longer a single definition of infidelity that applies to everyone. What one couple may consider innocent fun on a video chat could be seen as a serious breach of trust by another.

Couples who avoid difficult conversations are the most vulnerable to new forms of digital infidelity. Discussing boundaries is not a sign of mistrust; it is a tool for building trust. Ask yourself and your partner:

1. Where is the line between friendly online communication and flirting for each of you?
2. How do we feel about anonymous chat apps like Chatki?
3. Is it more important to follow the rules to the letter or to be confident that our partner’s actions will not hurt us?

In a world where technology is constantly creating new forms of interaction, the only way to protect a relationship is to establish clear rules that both partners understand. This needs to be done through open communication, not guesswork.